Thursday, November 23, 2017
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It is that time of the year again, ladies and gentlemen.
Let us put up our warm greetings on social media. Let us applaud Indira Gandhi, Amelia Earhart, Maya Angelou, Malala Yousafzai, and all the other big names we can remember. We will send sweet messages to our girlfriends, sisters, wives, daughters, mothers, etc., wishing them all a Happy Women's Day.


Today is their day, after all.
Tomorrow, we can beat them black and blue again.
Tomorrow, when it's no longer Women's Day, we can deny women equal pay. We can go back to the routine of harassing women for their choice of clothes, and threatening them with rape and acid attacks for expressing their opinions.
#FYI: Chinmayi Sripaada threatened with rape, acid attack on Twitter; her online petition demanding action goes viral
Today, since it's the grand International Women's Day, let us put our 'feminist' sashes on and celebrate womanhood.
Motherhood is great too. We won't stop gabbing about it today. We will raise our glasses to the Eves who have been ripping their bodies apart since the beginning of time to keep the human race alive (did that sound flowery enough?).
But, heaven forbid, if we learn to deal with a movie cheering to women's sexuality like grown-ups...(rest has been censored, apologies.)
We will never get tired of debating over a woman's right to wear or take off her hijab, but Lipstick Under My Burkha is a big shame-shame. We will put a ban on it and that will not even be up for discussion. No means no, right?
So, cheers to Women's Day! We believe you can fly, but we cannot accept the reality that you too have wet dreams and fantasies. That you too, like men, can like sex, and that is normal.

#FYI: How a daily wager's daughter from a conservative Muslim family made it to medical college
We will tell our women today how blessed we are to have them in our lives. And then, we will put them in crates to protect them from their own "hormonal outbursts".
After all, that is how women's safety works. We put a seven-o-clock curfew on hostels to protect our girls, because no rape happens before that, right? And girls do not crave sex, or - as they say - have "hormonal outbursts" in daylight. Of course.
Women's day...what a wonderful day it is!
It comes less than a month after Valentine's Day, the day of love. The day we bring out our sticks and stones to hound unmarried couples, whether or not they are even celebrating Valentine's Day.
This year's Women's Day comes days after a college principal in Kerala (a lady principal, mind you) imposed a rule on her female students that prohibits them from closing their doors when they change clothes.
Why? Because Madam Principal fears that her students will turn lesbians and have sex with each other if they change clothes behind locked doors.
Let us give a warm Women's Day shout-out to this amazing teacher. More power to you, ma'am! Women like you help patriarchy stay alive.

#FYI: Kerala Muslim fanatic wants acid poured on woman's face if 'she barks against Islam'
Today, we are in love with women; a tad bit more than usual. But feminism is still the dirtier F-word.
If you are a woman who calls herself a feminist, we will slam you. We have invented a new word for people like you who talk too much: 'feminazi'.
Yes, we equate you to those who cheered the Holocaust.
And if you are a man who calls himself a feminist, we are going to laugh at your face. That, or we will applaud you for being the 'real' man. You will try to make us understand that you're just a guy who believes in equality, that it is normal. But we won't get it, no matter how hard you try.
Because we just don't understand feminism. The simple concept that men, women and people of all other genders are equal and deserve the same rights? Wow, that is more befuddling than rocket science!
What we understand, however, is the urge to follow trends and show-off.
Since it is Women's Day, we will cheer 'Girl Power'. We will solemnly swear to support women's rights, fight against gender-biased violence, and eradicate practices like trafficking, female foeticide, flesh trade, etc. (like that isn't feminism).
However, will also draw a line. Because our women, after all, should be sanskaari.
#FYI: 'Kerala priest raped, because temptations,' church-backed magazine resorts to victim blaming
So, go ahead, dear women, enjoy the privileges that the patriarchal society you live in so benevolently allows you.
You have the right to vote (a right you had to fight it out to get, while most men got it naturally), but you don't quite have the right to decide what you want to do with your own body. You have the right to education, but think again if you believe it comes easy.
You can step out of the house and have a career. But mind you, you'll be judged every step of the way. Choose your career over having a family, and we will call you less of a woman. Choose to be a homemaker, and we will shake our heads at the opportunity you wasted.
You have the freedom of choice. Well, some what. Because no matter what you choose, you will be expected to be the jack of all trades. You will be expected to excel at your job and master at raising a family at the same time. You are a woman, after all. You have to be a superhero, you want to or not.
You also have to be equally modern and traditional, by the way, because that is what makes you a complete woman. Put your foot down and be whoever you want to be, and we will judge you, and hold you responsible if you are harmed.
You live in an age where women have come a long way. You have so much more freedom than your mothers and grandmothers did. Hush now, don't argue otherwise. Women shouldn't raise their voices. So un-ladylike!

What now? What about the violence, the discrimination you still face based on your gender, you say?
Well...don't wear small clothes, and don't go out at night. And don't mingle with men who are outside your family. That is what we will tell you. Because with our thick heads, we cannot accept the fact that none of these things stop a pervert, or matter to a raging sexist.
Today, we will remind you that you are special. We will dedicate cheesy messages to you on social media, and share videos that companies produced particularly to cash money in on on Women's Day.
Tomorrow, we will go back to making this world a less comfortable place for women to live in, one way or the other.
Till then, Happy Women's Day, love!
Disclaimer: In case you didn't get it, this piece is a sarcas...never mind.

Courtesy: India Today 

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